tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
