my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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