You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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