if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
