Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
