Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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