Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
