New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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