Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
