I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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