I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
