I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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