Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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