they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
