no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
