Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
