How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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