You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
