At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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