i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
