can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
