all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
