after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
