My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
