trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
