bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
