just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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