The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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