Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
