I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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