The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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