There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
