You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
