Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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