I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
