I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
