girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
