if only i could text you this smell
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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