eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
