There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
