he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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