Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
