He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He has the fingertips of a God
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