my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
