Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
