She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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