He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
