Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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