I wish I could punch you in the face.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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