I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
