i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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