you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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