id be glad to
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
