i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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