I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
