so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize