i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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