So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize