be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
someone owes me an orgasm
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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