My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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