Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize